I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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