Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just pee around me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
