Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Life is so much better after having sex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
