It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
