are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize