Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
