if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
