Are we in a gay sports bar?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
