I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
