i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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