Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And then he peed in my hair
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