hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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