i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
