what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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