next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
