It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
