U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
