For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
