What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Of course I have a pirate flag
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
