My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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