There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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