I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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