Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
