Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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