Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
