I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
