i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
