i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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