She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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