You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
