is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
