fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
