Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
