My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
