The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
