I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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