My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
