Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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