From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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