Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
