Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
