i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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