so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Small penises have feelings too.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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