Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
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