Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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