I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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