you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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