allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
