I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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