There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
