I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
