handjob tips. give me some.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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