Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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