She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
