This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
