So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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