Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
