The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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