You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
