The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize