Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
