people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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