the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
