brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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