and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
