A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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