Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize