i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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