You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
